K-Blog

It took me by surprise. I was shopping and passed the supermarket on my way home, to pick up tomatoes for the buffalo mozzarella I have in the fridge. I was wearing my Ipod as usual - it's shuffling - something I never allow it to do, but these days I rediscover music I forgot I had. I walk into the supermarket and directly into the fruit and vegetables compartment. I can't make up my mind, there's so much beauty and inspiration here and I have all the time in the world. I linger for a long time, and my mind wanders, I have to pick a white wine for tomorrow as well, a task I love. My eyes feast on the bright red of tomatoes, on the bright colours and shiny waxiness of all the vegetables in the compartment. The deafening and seducing scent of basil. And suddenly I remember him telling me about tender bits of basil leaves wrapped around new Danish strawberries. They're both here, strawberries and basil, but I'll wait. I want to eat it with him. And as I realize ...

I am feeling very lazy these days. Actually I felt lazy for some time now, and I am still waiting for my energy to surprise me; for my need to do stuff, to resurface. But it doesn't really happen. I am still not painting. I am still not photographing a lot, I am still not learning French (again) and my sewing machine is gathering dust under my bed. I started doing my design-reel but I really am not working a lot on it; I bought books today and feel more like taking them out in the sun, lounge around with cold beverages, eat cake and just sleep a lot. I sleep so very well this last week, and wake up feeling happy and sensual, surrounded by images of nice dreams I had. But I don't really sleep a lot, the sun is not warm enough for me (yet), my days slip away through my fingers and I really am enjoying myself. Same with work. I want to organize things, make the restaurant even better, translate our menus into English and so on. But I never really get 'round to it. We...

Your horoscope - Week of May 24, 2010 You could be tempted to go far - very, very far. Uranus moves into your travel zone, so it isn't just a question of journeying to the other side of the world. You may want to escape Earth's atmosphere altogether. You're very tempted to go way out of your comfort zone. It's going to be a fascinating ride. There is also a Full Moon in your romance zone, so how about teaming up with an alien life form for a really different date? Just wondering: - Would marrying a coworker qualify for "a really different date" and "alien life form", or am I in for a real treat this week ? - or does my 5-year-old Don Juan-nephews' request apply here: "Come on, let's play that game where I run I after you and try to kiss you, and you won't let me?" K: "Oh, honey, I've played that game for far too many years now, but okay. Hunt me down then." (running off. Again.)

We were hanging out in the restaurant downstairs; golden light falling through the huge windows. I waiting behind the bar for our guests to arrive. He: "Your Italian is perfect but you speak Danish very well too. It really is incredible." I: "Yeah, well. (?) I am Danish you know." He: "Whaddyamean ? Danish ? So you have...you know...Danish citizenship ?" I: "Yeah, are you kidding? I'm Danish though I spent 15 years in Italy." He: "Oh. Will you marry me ?" I: "Ha, ha. That's good. Heh. But you ought not ask a girl to marry you like this..." He: (grabbing a vase with flowers from the nearest table and going down on one knee) "K, will you marry me ?" I: "Come on - (giggling) - this is.... it's not... come on, get up..." He: "K, will you marry me ? Please ? I need your citizenship...." I blushed in spite of myself.

Again. It's not my usual restlessness, that hits me in a matter of hours and that goes away in a matter of hours. I am sort of busy these days, don't even have time to clean up and do my laundry. I am working a lot, and things are moving under the surface there. Good things and not so good things. I feel like I am in the middle of a transition-period, I feel like I want new stuff to happen. I have energy to sell. I also hooked up with an old friend here, and we're talking about opening the Copenhagen chapter of Improveverywhere (yes, they already have a chapter but it seems they're not very active) - we have a few good ideas. And very much fun discussing them, my friend (let's call him Mo) is one of those people I just click with; instantly, he has the same wacky (non)humour as I have; it is so good to meet up with him again. And good to feel that I have a person here that *knows* me, that I don't have to get to know slowly and start all over again with. I h...

I am frustrated. Again. I can't handle not knowing what is going on. And I don't know what is going on with him. I tell myself to listen to what he said and did. He got at headache, he went home, felt sorry for it, wrote so much to me and then went back to normal when I told him not to worry. As should be. But I can't. I have this nagging doubt about what *went* on, whether his headache meant something, whether all this means something. I miss him. I miss the feeling of his skin against mine, his scent, his mouth. I need to see his eyes look at me. I need him to see me. And while I have no illusions about this (or do I?) I cannot just let it be, I cannot strike the perfect balance and just let it be. I want to make myselv unavailable to him to make him feel he wants me, and before I do it, I tell myself not to act like a baby, Christ we're not 15 and he deserves me not to play games with him, he's worth more than that. So I don't make myself unavailable, I sk...

I let him look at me. All of a sudden I felt him there, in the doorway of my little kitchen, felt him looking at me, my skin tingling a bit where his gaze passed over me. I hadn't heard him coming, though I was very aware of him moving around the apartment, very aware of his presence there with me. Aware of him moving around, looking at things, taking in my home with all of his senses. I had been inexplicably nervous about him coming here, had cleaned up very thoroughly and tried to see my home as he would see it. Inexplicably; because I am not one to be fazed easily. And now he was standing there in the doorway of my kitchen looking at me. And I let him look without acknowledging his presence there; leaning casually against the doorway. Much to my surprise I let him look at me working, grinding coffeebeans or whatever I was doing. Refusing to turn my head, meet his eyes and break the moment, when I suddenly got the impression that he knew, that *I knew* he was looking at me...

I am different from my parents and brothers (of which I have two) in many ways. I *look like* a mixture of my parents, I have my mothers bonestructure and my dad's shape of the eyes and nose. I also have my grandmothers' haircolour. Golden blonde with a reddish streak that comes out with sunshine.  But my personality is very unlike that of my parents. They are very calm persons, tranquil, my dad is even understated. They're people with normal aspirations, conventional jobs and simple desires for life. I don't mean that in any negative way, I just can't come up with other words for it. I feel like they are the "normal" ones; not me. I have drawn, written and read for as long as I can remember. I read before I started pre-school, and my parents only discovered that because I, one evening over dinner, picked up a box of matches and read out loud from the back of it. Nobody had taught me, but I remember poring over the big collection of lexica for hours, ...

He is so tender. I needed have no concern about voicing what this is. We tread a fine line in unison, not neglecting that there is something beyond the fab sex but not quite defining what, either. He. Is. So. Elegant. I love it. Being treated like I am a princess, even when I am sitting on him, gasping, covered in sweat and bodily fluids. And I have so much lust for him and the fact that he is so understated about his lust for me, makes it better. He is not all over me, he is keeping the distance I (and he?) need. I need to be lured out of me. I want to give everything I have to give, but not if taken for granted, expected to or cajoled into giving. He seems to understand that, or better even, feel the same. I want to spend time with him, to get to know him, he is really getting under my skin; I like what I learn about him and I told him so much. We seem so compatible with some things. With respect for our individual habits, with a natural reticence to invade, to control, to take ov...

Our lips was millimetres apart. That second stretched into eternity, I with flared nostrils, taking in the scent of him, of his skin, his hot breath on my mouth and the soft darkness under my closed eyelids. Waiting. Waiting for that spark to fly, to feel the first softness of his lips against mine, eager, curious. Waiting, almost not breathing but the sound of it irregular in my ears anyway. Waiting for him to move ahead those last millimetres, wondering vaguely whether he was waiting as I was. And when he hesitated, it dawned on me that he might be doing the exactly same thing. Savouring the closeness, the scent of us mingling between our lips, taking me in before he kissed me. When he finally did, it was like kittens playing. Soft, playful, warm, fuzzy, endearing, too good to be true. Intense. After a while; a hint of teeth on my bottomlip, a promise of more to come, something where playful and endearing turn into urgency to hold on to, to cling to, to bite a bit. I could har...

I keep coming up with (but not publishing) little snippets of posts, little descriptions of moments, things I have seen, lingering life I have lived. Life lived hectically in Italy while I was there; bathed in memories, friends' love and my innate Italian language. The brutally-honest-and-too-rough hurried conversations with best friends *there*, due to lack of time to tell the nuances of everything *here*. The sun on my skin, the familiar scents of my best friends, wonderful wines drunk over dinner in favourite restaurants, feeling as if I had so much to tell, but not enough time. Loss of nuances, of wondering what it all is, what it all means. Thoughts idly wandering to experiment new points of view, to discover new patterns.  Life lived here in Denmark. Moments lived as apparent-but-not-quite-clones of how I always lived them, repeating themselves in the loop of my days. And moments that look like nothing I have lived before. I don't always recognise myself these days a...

I am, and have been, spending an enormous amount of time, thinking about him. Texting him and wondering what this is. I published a very short post: "Joy is 3", that "mentions" him, I am yet too chicken to write something real about him, for various reasons. Fact is though, that I like him a lot. He touches me clean with his sensitivity, his elegance, his composure.We might be very explicit in bed (and not even, I am not letting completely go yet) but he is soooooo correct outside of bed. A true gentleman. I am the one being afraid we destroyed something potential; what with us having sex that fast. At the same time, sexuality is so important to me, this lust I had, and has for him, blocked out everything else. He stole (and steals) my thoughts, my reason.  Now he writes blogposts about us. Touching and so sweet that I don't have words for it. And he hits hurt every time. Every blogpost of his has been tough on me (though eloquent, very Fresh and elegant as h...

I obviously returned to my beloved river while I visited Italy. It was one of many things I had on my to-do list. The first day I sat down with A and made a list of priorities. Of things I would love to do while there. One of them was just spending time by the river. The river that I rode my bike along those crisp, not-yet-too-hot mornings to go to work. Where I went to cool  hot feet during those long summerdays. Endless walks home from work, from aperitivi with friends under starlit nightskies, full moons or clouded heavens. I have seen that river calm with water moving as oil, I have seen it wild, green and foamy, licking greedily at its edges, eating its way up the banks and spilling its water on the biking trail. I have seen it become almost one with the grey heavens on rainy days, fog spilling and snaking its way between the hills on one side of the river. Water in one huge moving sheet, me not able to tell where sky start and river stops; surface a spray of drops moving in...

- when impossible expectations are met. And exceeded.