K-Blog

My first experience with yoga was a near-religious one. There is really no other words for it, though I am not religious at all. It was one of those lazy early evenings at the beach in Italy - the waves were lapping softly against the shore, everything was coloured gold by the setting sun, the few people left on the beach were dark silhouettes against the sky, and everybody was speaking softly after a long, white-hot day under the sun. I was about to pack up my stuff and go home too, my friends had gone home a little while ago to get ready for the evening; I was still working in clubs back then. I was just getting up, when the owner of the bar on the beach, a big curly-headed bear of a guy, Alessio, walked up to me and asked me if I wouldn't stay for the yoga. A small group of people did yoga on the beach once in a while, and they were just about to start. I told him I had never done yoga before, and he told me it didn't matter, he would guide me and I should just focus on my...

I was right beside my boss when the restaurant phone rang today. Somebody wanted to know the name of the tall blond waiter with the too-tight ponytail. My boss gave me a confused look, and I heard him say "her name is (insert my real name)" before the someone on the other end of the phone, put it down. And the plot thickens....

He came back. Circles are closing themselves these days indeed. I took a deep breath and told him that while I hadn't been ready to date when he asked for my number, it had been very important to me, it had made my day, but that I (for various reasons) hadn't had the balls to acknowledge his request. But thanks. He looked me straight in the eye and said "that's all right". Felt good. On another note. As of yesterday, I have been back in Denmark for a year now. We celebrated at work with bubbly and I plan to celebrate a lot more, away from work. Wish me happy-coming-back-to-D-day =).

I note that none of us is talking. I know I am not, for fear of opening up, to putting this thing in words, for fear of realizing this might be nothing but sexual attraction, for fear of losing him. Maybe he has the same fears. Today I asked him if he thought we could be friends. He said maybe. Then he said (and I would rather he had not) that he didn't know, he don't know what we are now. I answered (a little annoyed) "apart from that, leave it there, do you think we could be friends?" and he repeated that he didn't know. And added, that maybe if I spoke a little softer. He has been at me a lot today; why I can't walk straight, why I speak so loudly. And then he zoned out when I told him the logical reasons as to why it is diffucult that a Barolo become port-like. He started that one, he would want to taste this Barolo that has aged so much that it becomes almost like port. I went on to ask, why, does he like port ? No, he said, he had watched this tvpro...

I can feel it already (links to http://kyllyan.blogspot.com/2010/08/restless-iii.html) as I am walking home, that wind, it is there again. If I fall into this, I will stay awake all night, thinking in loops, doing nothing with this energy that I can't seem to get rid of, this sensitivity that I won't do without, but that sometimes drive me crazy. The same sensitivity that lets you live the good things this intensely, won't numb down when it comes to bad things, you can't have it and not live the good *and* the bad. I need to relax. A lot of things are going on right now, work-wise, home-wise and family-wise. And sitting down now to linger on those things won't help me, I need to relax and let decisions take themselves, as they are wont to do. I was bored , (links to I´m bored) now it seems life has thrown me more than I can handle. Sitting here thinking in loops won't help me out. Will go to bed. And I *will* sleep.