Psychosomatic

A huge steak and Amarone is a miracle cure for everything. 

My throat is sore as hell - I'm very psychosomatic - I have been holding back tears all day so obviously now I'm choking on them. Literally.
I needed comfort food so I bought the biggest steak I could find and a nice bottle of Amarone; it's about time I give myself a break. And I haven't been eating all day with all those mixed emotions choking me.

I realize this is breaking my heart. I feel torn between my love for Italy and my want for Denmark, for more civilized behavior and  mentality, a bit more order. My love for Italy have nothing to do with logic. I love Italy to pieces even knowing that I cannot live here, cannot endure it anymore. But at the same time the sheer amount of hope, of possibilities that seem to open up to me in Denmark seduces me into believing I can actually live there. Yes, I know things might not be so peachy in Denmark, I know things may have changed, that I see it as the promised land just because I am not living there. But I am truly optimistic. Heck, I am Danish after all, nothing like home and all that.  
Yet I am madly in love with Italy.

And I just realized today that this is probably not going to change; this is not going to be so simple as going from A to B.  I might have to  carry along A while moving to B. And get used to it. Having both in my life and hoping not to be too torn.

And for now I'm off hiding in my giant bed with one last glass of heavenly Amarone and Lost.

Comments

Nix said…
shit all this love for italy and you end up watching an american tv serial, you could have at least made it a fellini movie... everything's fine with Amarone...
Saturday, September 12, 2009 at 2:25:00 AM GMT+2
kyllyan said…
@nix: yeah never was anything wrong with Amarone =). And as for Lost... hell, you know I love it Baja Astral though it may be =). So what; it's just entertainment dear!
Saturday, September 12, 2009 at 7:15:00 PM GMT+2
Anna said…
wow, didn't realize that you actually were mowing back home - permanently, right?

I must have been to far behind in here. uak!
Monday, September 21, 2009 at 10:00:00 PM GMT+2
kyllyan said…
@anna:
Oh yeah, I have moved home already. Landed just yesterday and now I´ll do the whole thing all over again. Just in reverse order =).
You far behind, yeah well it seemed you had a lot on your plate as well =)
Tuesday, September 22, 2009 at 10:02:00 AM GMT+2
kyllyan said…
@udenrelevans:
Taaaaak, jeg nyder det rigtigt. Omend i for hurtigt tempo =)
Friday, September 25, 2009 at 12:12:00 PM GMT+2
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