About not sharing

Often when I have been single I have missed sharing a lot of things. Having somebody to cook for, to share a fantastic wine with and take long walks with.

Today I am perfectly happy being single, not having to share this concert tonight that is so important to me, and my preparations for it.
I have bought good food and wine to cook and enjoy before I go, and I am having a long shower and extensive preparations to go. I haven't picked out my outfit yet, but I will soon.  And I can do it on my own. I won't have to try and explain nothing to nobody, I can do this on my own terms and with my own joy for it all.

I am not dressing up for anybody, actually I will probably go, leather jacket, faded jeans, tshirt and biker-boots so I can dance if I like to. Or not if I don't.

I have had boyfriends who seemed to want to crawl into my head and live things like I do. Share everything, or at least partake in my things.
One of the boyfriends I left, years back, packed up all of my stuff (we lived together) for me to take away but neglected to pack a few things. Music, books, a lot of my drawings and the mock-up of a book I thought I was writing. I don't think it was a coincidence, he felt (fair enough, I tend to "disappear" into my things) my hobbies robbed him of something, that was meant for him.

He wanted to share everything.
While that is very sweet and romantic, I also think it is naive.
I don't want to be just half of a couple. I want to be all me *and* half of a couple. And having to explain the way I feel music, I smell wine or taste food is, while interesting to talk about for a while, tiring in the long run if it is not a dialogue.
I myself,  love to wonder and muse about what is in *his* head, I don't want it explained in detail, I want to be seduced and I want it to be a mystery, not spelled out. His interests and his passions is what keep *my* interest alive and that keep me coming back for more.

I may be jaded and cynic. But tonight I am just happy for going alone.

Comments

Nix said…
wow
at least i kept lingerie stuff
your diary is way too private
one musn't do that
innit?

happy concert
Saturday, April 3, 2010 at 12:40:00 AM GMT+2
kyllyan said…
hi nix - i'm laughing out loud right now. Let me get this straight: You think robbing me of my book-to-be is way too private but you have no problem telling everybody reading my blog that you kept my lingerie =). You're priceless =).

The concert was fab, they gave us a really good set. But f*ck the audience was strange, they all looked like something out of Mad Max or Link in Bologna.
Saturday, April 3, 2010 at 1:54:00 AM GMT+2
Nix said…
huhu
i guess lingerie stuff is a kind of trophy for a male...
...well at least for me, and it's always on a jockey side of things
(wow jokey comes from joke? never thought about it)
while a diary or stuff like that is a private thing
a person is working on
and it's much more serious

it's in the same field as people checking a girlfriend's mail or sms
a real shame

nice you enjoyed the concert
Saturday, April 3, 2010 at 8:29:00 PM GMT+2
kyllyan said…
@nix:
but yeah. He kept stuff that was outlets of me. Oh, and you know I had some of those too. Checking my mail and sms'es. Hrmf. Fruitcakes. Anyway.
Listen.
I'm in Italy (FI) from the 21th to the 28th. Should I try and put in a few days in Rimini or will I see you soon so I won't have to stress about it ?
Sunday, April 4, 2010 at 12:32:00 AM GMT+2
Nix said…
i'm off to brazil the 24th of april
until the middle of june

dunno if you can drop by here
as soon as you get in italy

lemme know
Monday, April 5, 2010 at 12:27:00 AM GMT+2
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