I let him look at me. All of a sudden I felt him there, in the doorway of my little kitchen, felt him looking at me, my skin tingling a bit where his gaze passed over me. I hadn't heard him coming, though I was very aware of him moving around the apartment, very aware of his presence there with me. Aware of him moving around, looking at things, taking in my home with all of his senses. I had been inexplicably nervous about him coming here, had cleaned up very thoroughly and tried to see my home as he would see it. Inexplicably; because I am not one to be fazed easily. And now he was standing there in the doorway of my kitchen looking at me. And I let him look without acknowledging his presence there; leaning casually against the doorway. Much to my surprise I let him look at me working, grinding coffeebeans or whatever I was doing. Refusing to turn my head, meet his eyes and break the moment, when I suddenly got the impression that he knew, that *I knew* he was looking at me...
Our lips was millimetres apart. That second stretched into eternity, I with flared nostrils, taking in the scent of him, of his skin, his hot breath on my mouth and the soft darkness under my closed eyelids. Waiting. Waiting for that spark to fly, to feel the first softness of his lips against mine, eager, curious. Waiting, almost not breathing but the sound of it irregular in my ears anyway. Waiting for him to move ahead those last millimetres, wondering vaguely whether he was waiting as I was. And when he hesitated, it dawned on me that he might be doing the exactly same thing. Savouring the closeness, the scent of us mingling between our lips, taking me in before he kissed me. When he finally did, it was like kittens playing. Soft, playful, warm, fuzzy, endearing, too good to be true. Intense. After a while; a hint of teeth on my bottomlip, a promise of more to come, something where playful and endearing turn into urgency to hold on to, to cling to, to bite a bit. I could har...
...i'll take it out on you for a mo... I dont really know why, but I hurt a bit today. Had best friends for dinner yesterday, got to show off with my cooking, i had good news to tell about work and they had good news to tell me about work, baby and coming back to live near me. So there's no reason for me really to hurt. I guess I might just take my bicycle, race to the nearest forest and kick some fallen leaves up in the air. Happy Sunday to all of you Not true. Nor that i dont know why, neither that there is no reason for me to hurt. I saw him yesterday. It has been a few weeks that i'm trying to keep a bit of distance to him, it seems i hurt less if i don't read too much into this relationship that promise so little. We are so different, we knew from the start that we have very little in common. And I am keeping him at the distance that is good for me. But I miss him, I would love to tell him, I would love to be the little one, the one that is in need of him to be mal...
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