So it took me some time to finally sit down and write again.
And obviously i'm feeling all selfconscious and weird about it now. I have been wanting to write for weeks and here I am. Without words and without knowing where I should possibly start. Or end for that sake.
Well, a lot of things has happened. Not only this last month but over the last months, i just wasn't ready to write about it yet. Not that I know I am ready now, my words will just have to show; I'm determined to ramble on for as long as I can =).

Here goes then:

1. I sort of lost motivation work-wise. And I got it back again. Loads. And in very round-about-but-isn't-it-ironic-way. More in another post.

2. I fell in love. Again. And oh, am I living the fairytale. More than anyone can imagine. I like to think I'll write more about it in another post; it definitely deserves one of its own.

3. I decided to come back to Denmark. For good. Actually I resolved not to decide anything, but just brainstorm and play around with ideas and possibilities until the first of June. Well. I made up my mind some time ago, but I guess it's official now, seeing that we're writing June 9th. And while I'm still very happy in Italy, I'm very very optimistic about coming back to live in Denmark. I can't wait to grocery-shop ANYTHING in this world, eat new potatoes and candy, candy, candy. Or look at those immense heavens for hours. Or people-watch. Or having my family nearby. Or eating rugbroed and have massive breakfasts in the morning. Or to want to watch TV again. I know some of you don't think much of Danish TV but I assure you; you are very very lucky; you haven't seen nothing (pardon the pun).
This third list item is actually very closely related to the second item, because I come back to Denmark (insert pause and TAAAA-DAAAAH here) because I fell in love with a Danish guy. Actually we already knew each other, since we went to school together but lost contact. But. But. But. That's another post isn't it =).
I had already decided to spend some time revisioning my living in Italy. It was my one New Years' resolution to find out whether I still want to live here. So Martin (yep, that's his name) came along at a time when I was already open to new possibilities.

A lot of things has changed since I made up my mind about leaving. I knew I had to take my time because I know that *I* need time. And slowly (as time passed) I realized why: I need to savour and enjoy all of *this* here. Ask myself everytime I take out my bike in the mornings and it's hot and I'm off on my bike along the river. "Can I live without this ? Or can I do this in sh*tty Danish weather? ". Can I live without the food, the wine, the climate, the mentality, everything I got used to in my 15 years here ? And I need to really *feel* a loud resounding YES every time I ask myself that question. YES, I can do without this or YES i can get this/something just as good in Dk. And I get my YES's more and more often. I didn't know what I needed time for; now I do. And I live and savour Italy like maybe never before. Something to think about on its own, isn't it? It comes naturally to ask myself: Is This It ? all the time now. And I get to know myself better, I feel more defined in the process.

So that is good.
I know I miss the Danish mentality a lot. Even reading all of your blogs out there is keeping a "contact" with what being Danish means to me. I realize I have changed my ways living here, but I also know that my sense of right and wrong and natural and logic and possibility and expectation and and and... is very Danish. I think I like the mentality. Though I thrive in the beautiful Italian chaos, I feel tired of always... adjusting. I think I'd like to live more effortlessly. It has been quite the challenge; I have proven I was up for it, that I could do it and do it good. And hey. Denmark might yet prove a challenge =).
I'll be just fine.

And though I have loads more to say, this will have to do for now.
I have a glass of chilled white to savour, while I make sure that the night falls just fine =).


Leoparddrengen said…
So - you're going home?

I can understand you wanting to savour all of Italy. Right now I can't understand you wanting to go home at all - we have freakish wind, terribly rain, and rather cold weather today. But I guess if I had ben away 15 yrs I might think the same ;)

Let's see if Immigration will let you return, though! And congratulations on the other good news!
kyllyan said…
Yep, I'm going home. Thanks for the link, it's bound to have me singing "I'm going hoooo-o-oome" tomorrow pedalling off to work =).
And I sure hope they will let me back in. Or will I have to marry a Dane =). Thanks for congrats, they're in place
Kirsten said…
It is very HARD to live in Italy in these days. It really is a problematic country - mildly speaking.
My husband and I are planning to live in Denmark when our son gets a little older. There is no future for the young here in Italy.

But there are an awfull lot of things to miss to.

I wish you good luck!
kyllyan said…
Yeah, i thought so, and I am glad you agree; you live in Italy too.
I am only grateful that we have the choice, a lot of my friends and collegues keep asking me "what are you waiting for" - i reckon if they had the chance they would go for it immediately.

We're lucky to have the choice, aren't we ?
Leoparddrengen said…
I didn't know it was that bad?! Is it the economy; or just the general state of affairs?
kyllyan said…
For me it is mainly economy and lack of organization. Maybe also an overload of that chaos I have praised =). The lack of hope in people, the lack of .... something safe; something to believe in. It is actually a lot of things I think. The lack of feeling that you can make a difference. And so on and so on.
Kirsten said…
Yes, we are lucky to have the choise.
But I know it will be hard for my Italian husband to live in Denmark. Even if HE is the first to be critical about how things are in Italy.
susling said…
Tillykke og velkommen tilbage! ps. bare et godt råd:sørg for at få dig et par jobkontakter. Internetbranchen og grafikerfaget har det lidt nedtrykt herhjemme lige nu.
kyllyan said…
Jo tak =). Tusind tak.
Ja, jeg ved godt krisen kradser i Dk osse, jeg stikker ikke blaar i oejnene paa migselv. Men jeg er ret optimistisk. Osse fordi jeg ikke har noget imod at tage et midlertidigt job udenom min branche. Jeg tror min flexibilitet og optimisme kan vaere en "winning combo". Eller jeg haaber ihvertfald. Og jeg *har* faktisk et par kontakter i branchen hvis det skal vaere. Saa mon ikke det gaar. Men tak for heads-up'pen alligevel =)

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